Title// The Secret Society of Cats
Rodney came through the gate first, soaking wet and smelling like ammonia. Teyla came next, furious, quickly followed by Ford dragging an unconscious John through the event horizon like a bag of turnips. “What in the…” Elizabeth started down the steps, eyes going comically wide when Rodney dropped his pack to the floor then began stripping off the rest of his clothes. “It appears that Doctor McKay is a ‘cat person’?” Teyla managed to look both amused and concerned as she watched Rodney stalk half-naked out of the command room. Carson and his team relieved Ford of Major Sheppard, eyes bulging at the acrid stench wafting off his gear. It took two weeks for Elizabeth to find out what happened. Unofficial Mission Report. Elizabeth. I’ve been placed under a vow of silence to never utter these words out loud. There were no such restrictions put on writing the words, so don’t even bother to ask. Upon our arrival to PX-372, we were greeted at the gate by what we assumed to be the indigenous inhabitants and their pets. The people were obviously very primitive, wearing leather and leaves and pieces of tree bark and rocks for decoration. Their pets, on the other hand, were these totally decked out cats. And by cats I mean like an off-Broadway production of Cats. They walked upright, spoke, and even had something like opposable thumbs, much to Rodney’s disgust. And we were wrong. The people are the pets, and the cats are actually the dominant species. Their hierarchy is very similar to earth cats, in that the females are the ruling class, and the males pretty much exist like a sub-species. They seemed pretty open to negotiating with us, however, even though they obviously thought we were beneath them. The thing that surprised me though? The queen wouldn’t talk to Teyla, I thought that she would be the automatic spokesperson for the group, considering the matriarchal structure. Nope, the queen took a shine to Rodney, setting him up in his own little kitty bed complete with a bowl of almost-goat milk and these little fillets of fish. So Rodney, being the egocentric prick that he is, goes to town with all this. He did manage to broker a deal, we get fresh fish once a month, and they get vaccinations for their pets. So while Rodney was doing all this good will crap, me and Teyla and Ford got shuffled in with the humans. We learned how to repair the nets, and spin yarn, and strangely enough one of the humans tried to show me how to make little fishy treats for my master. Now, pardon me for getting a little personal here, but master? I’m as kinky as the next red blooded American man, but I do not now have nor will I ever have a ‘master’. Time rolls around for us to be leaving, and whaddya know? Queenie there decides she wants to keep Rodney as her newest pet! My scientist! Like I’m going to let that happen! So I tell her, bring Dr. McKay out and let me talk to him. Here comes one of the humans with Rodney on a leash! And a collar! And he’s smilin’ and happy and chattering to anybody who will listen! Then I see it, and I’ve seen it before so I know what I’m talking about here, Rodney’s drunk! Only he wasn’t drunk, he was drugged but I didn’t figure that out until later. I ask the queen what she’s given him, she said it was just a little something in his milk to keep him happy. I’m thinking alien catnip myself, but Carson couldn’t seem to get a reading from his blood. Anyway, there’s Rodney, all curled up on this huge pillow next to the queen, when he sees me. Did you know that Rodney can pout? Not that ‘Oh my God, I’m so put upon’ look he gets, but teary-eyed, bottom lip all puffed out and quivering pout. I would have laughed but Teyla stepped on my foot. Then he says: “I’m staying here Major.” Even drugged he calls me Major! So I say, “Care to tell me why?” and he says, “You don’t love me. You don’t pet me or feed me treats or let me curl up in your bed.” I had to step on Teyla’s foot then, Ford was pretty much hysterical, and Rodney starts to cry. Don’t tell him I told you. So I tell the queen she can’t have my scientist that I happen to need him at home. Rodney says, “It’s not a home, it’s not my home, it’s yours. Atlantis loves you more than she loves me.” I’ll admit, I growled a little bit at that, I mean have you seen this guy with the computers? Oh, of course you have, but Atlantis loves Rodney too! So I tell him that, and that we need him, blah blah blah. Then Rodney says, “But you don’t love me.” What was I supposed to do, Elizabeth? I tell Rodney that yes, I do love him, and that he’s probably my very best friend in either galaxy, and I would really like it if he came home with me. Rodney looked really happy. Everything gets kinda foggy after that, I remember Rodney getting off the pillow, and taking off his collar…then there was a lot of howling and scratching and it really really hurt. Teyla says she thinks the cat-people thought that if I were out of the way, then Rodney would stay. Ford says the males started marking everything in sight, whether this was some kind of territory thing, or if they just piss when they get excited, I don’t know. Rodney got the worst of it, something in the urine canceling out the effects of whatever the Queen gave him. Then the queen was throwing something on the torches, and it started to stink, and she said something like…We will not speak of this again! And that’s all I’ve got until I woke up in the infirmary, and Carson was totally speechless about me having alien Cat Scratch fever. Apparently Rodney can remember everything. After Carson let me out of the infirmary, Rodney came to visit. He said he knew that I said what I did just to get me home, and he was grateful for it but knew that I didn’t really mean it and he wouldn’t hold me to it. But that’s the thing; he really is my best friend. And I really do love him. I just…I just didn’t know how much until he said he wasn’t coming home. I gotta warn you, Elizabeth, you can stop reading at this point because that’s pretty much all I remember of the mission and what follows can be classified under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ So now I’ve got Rodney McKay sitting on my bed, with me all laid up and covered in bandages, and he looked so sad. And you know, it really is my job to keep the members of my team happy, so I sat up and kissed him. Yes, you read that right, I kissed Rodney. And he kissed me back. As far as my official mission report goes, I would strongly suggest we lock that address out of the dialing program. Who knows what those people would do to Dr. Beckett! Major John Sheppard, USAF. P.S. I’ll need three days off here in a couple of weeks. Rodney says we have to have something that resembles a honeymoon. I figure we’re not exactly your traditional couple, not like we’re gonna have a wedding or anything, but…It’s Rodney, you know? Anyway, we’ll only go to the mainland, and we’ll be in one of the jumpers, so it’s not like you won’t be able to get a hold of us if you need to. Try not to need to, though, please? Oh, and Rodney says Radek is in charge, and it would be a good time to get Kavanagh working on one of the desalination tanks, that he’s at least competent enough to not screw those up. But make sure that he doesn’t go alone, kind of like an insurance policy. And don’t send Bates with him. I don’t know why. ~*~ It wasn’t a huge stretch for Elizabeth to think of John and Rodney as a couple, they had already been thicker than thieves in her mind. It was disconcerting to watch them silently exchange food off their dinner trays, or for John to go without that second cup of morning coffee so that Rodney could have an extra ration. They weren’t overly blatant about their relationship, but neither did they go to any great lengths to hide it. She did catch Rodney blushing on several occasions, with John somewhere in the background looking unbelievably smug. They didn’t go around making out in the hallways, or holding hands in the dining hall, Rodney wasn’t any nicer to John and John didn’t just agree to Rodney’s wildly theoretical solutions without some pretty impressive justifications on Rodney’s part. Rodney did smile more, and was less likely to automatically denounce somebody else’s theories. That didn’t mean that he stopped degrading the intelligence of everybody around him, not by a long shot, but sometimes he actually listened before shooting holes in their plans. The marines helped move furniture around the South Pier, making several rooms ready for occupation. The botanists took their turn, bringing in huge potted plants to set in corners, and these wispy purple ferns to hang in all the windows. Teyla’s people worked with the chemists on making semi-permanent paints, and donated fabrics of various colors and materials to compliment the overall schemes chosen for individual quarters. Carson took the opportunity to make his and Radek’s relationship a little more permanent, choosing a corner unit with windows lining two walls of the living area. Elizabeth flushed and stammered a bit when Teyla began flirting with her, but eventually caved. They chose the rooms opposite the transporter, across the hall from Rodney and John. By the time the Daedalus arrived, more than seventeen couples had moved into the South Pier, renovating rooms and planning future expansions. John requisitioned a kitten for their second anniversary. Rodney grew
to tolerate it. | ||||